Q: What do crabs get high on? So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. Thanksgiving? , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? grandfather. Page, Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page. Description. During one of his infamous animal interactions, Johnny Carson got up close and very personal with a Burmese python. Q: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo. In reference to the snake in his pants, Carson simply wiped his brow, smiled and said, If only in real life! Classic! Q: What happens when your lorne rots? 35+ Johnny Carson Quotes From The Famous Talk Show Host And - Kidadl Find Funny GIFs, Cute GIFs, Reaction GIFs and more. Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. sister's hope chest. Q: What made Ludwig blind as well as deaf? The Question: What was the result of Joe Bidens colonoscopy? alley? May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. One of his characters, "Carnac the Magnificent," drew on his early entertainment work as a magician in Nebraska. However, it was his allusion to the old college cheer that gained him the loudest and longest laugh of the night. The Question: Whats the name of the hooker Clarnac took the prom during his senior year in high school? "How you must dread going to bed!" exclaimed Cynic. The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. says "Having an unclean yak sit on my dinner." Modern Day Curses - Monte R Anderson - Author The Answer: Sam Quint, Jonah, and Osama Bin Laden. A: The Rock of Gibralter. Carnac the Magnificent: [Opening envelope] What's the first thing you do when you hold up a liquor store? Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. A: Trapper John. Jokes would also be topical; for instance, "Over 105 in Los Angeles" (presumably referring to the temperature) instead led to "Under the Reagan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?" A: Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious and detente. A: An emerald, a screwdriver, and Chuck Barris. Carson Caucas 1984. The Question: What did comedian Richard Pryor do when his nose got too fat from snorting cocaine? Mary Worth: "Let me do a Carnac the Magnificent here in P-2. Q: What do you do if a Chinese laundry ruins your shirts? My question to you net.joke-sters out there: What is the funniest "ComedicCurse" you have heard? Pinside Pinball Top 100 Rating comments | Pinside Top 100 , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? your only sister. Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. . #10. I've often used Carnac in my work, pretending to be him, when confronted with the unknowable, the unanswerable, the irrational questions for which no reasonable responses are going to solve the problem. Function: view, Recurring character on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose, "Ed McMahon,'Tonight Show' Stalwart, Dies", "STERNAC THE IMPROBABLE RETURNS WITH ANSWERS ABOUT NASCAR, GAMESTOP, AND JASON KAPLAN'S DIET", Here's Johnny: Magic Moments from the Tonight Show, Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Carnac_the_Magnificent&oldid=1065449461. CARNAC: May your wife give mouth-to-mouth resusitation to Q: What do you call not getting busted? We have in the building tonight that great visitor from the East. The Question: What are three things less endangered than our freedom? Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? , The Question: Whats the only way to get your spouse to listen to you? A: WKRP In Cincinnati. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Im Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carsons desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). (In one episode, technicians rigged Carsons desk to fall apart when Carnac fell into it. Q: Who ruined that darn rug? 4.0 out of 5 stars Great for Carnac The Magnificent. Q: How would a wino see the three musketeers. While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. ", Conan O'Brien's Forehead Takes Over for Jay Leno's Chin. Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. A: The big ten. May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. The Question: What was the third grade to Jackson councilman Kenny Stokes? (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT ED McMAHON: Heaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest, that omnipotent master of the east and former manicurist to Howard Hughes, Carnac the Magnificent. CARNAC: May a desert rat sunbathe on your radar range. The Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. envelopes. A: Zippo Marx. Today, that number is 1 in nearly 50,000 in many Western countries! And even people who dont work at all need not starve, as food banks and charities abound, and governments provide welfare. I note with amusement the "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd's epic hissy-fit stompy-foot meltdown over the fact that I referred to Trump's "Diaper Valet" in a tweet yesterday. "[7] Songwriter Neal Merritt used the Carnac Saver as his primary inspiration for a song with a similar insult as a title, "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose," a hit for Little Jimmy Dickens. The Tonight Show: four-digit numbers (ostensibly the last four digits of an audience member's phone number).Carson Carnac the Magnificent: Carson plays a psychic . Question Man". "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes. The character would emerge from behind the show's curtain accompanied by Indian music, and make his way towards the desk, where he would invariably stumble on the step in front of the desk and lose his balance. A: Mount Baldy. Hoffa. Houses of Prayer and Study, however, are with us always. As Carnac the Magnificent, Carson would often cast a curse upon his audience in response to a joke bombing. CARNAC: May a bag of Pop Rocks explode in your shorts. Price and other details may vary based on product size and color. Introducing: Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was one of the most popular recurring roles that Johnny Carson played on his show in 1964. , The Question: What is the official state bird of Mississippi? Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? These jokes aren't mine, copyright on them is held by the , The Question: How do you say Fauci in Mandarin? girlfriend. dickory? A: Skalliwags. The Question: Name an elephant, a donkey, and a Rino. A: Supervisor. Q: What are two bad names for a laxative? Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. A: "Small craft warning!" the audience will cheer. , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. Q: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants? plunger. "Reading the contents of the envelope:"Name three things that have yeast. ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT Longtime sidekick Ed McMahon ritualistically and bombastically introduced the Carnac routines. The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. Falling in Love Again (1980) with Susannah York, The Hollywood Knights (1980 . Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. doctors. Carnac the Magnificent - Infogalactic: the planetary knowledge core A: Milk and honey. puppies and red-eye gravy. My favorite Carnac(sp?) A: Mop and Glow. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. ", and "9W" was the answer to "Mr. Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?" Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). The Best of Carnac the Magnificent | The Joke Archives Signed, the Honorable John V. Lindsay, Mayor, New York City." As part of that same bit, he held up a clam with a note attached that Q: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker? Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. Describe the sound you hear when a sheep blows up!! (You should die young enough for her to walk there under her own steam.). In article <10@udenva.UUCP> sho@udenva.UUCP (Mr. Blore) writes. A: A nine foot base with two feet of powder. CARNAC: May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your A: "The Front." A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. . (Crowd cheers) #10. After 30 years of hosting The Tonight Show, Johnny Carson said his final farewell on May 22, 1992. Source of Norm's "yak on the chest" Carson impression? Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash. cleanup team? Scope and Content Script (Annotated "Ray") Box 4, Folder 44. Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man yell when he hears flushing? Baseball-Reference.com Win Probability - New York Yankees vs. Boston Red Sox, May 30 1961 t1 b1 t2 b2 t3 b3 t4 b4 t5 b5 t6 b6 t7 b7 t8 b8 t9 b9 BOS 50% NYY.